Ampersand   May 6, 2008
I have a job for next year, along with a fine apartment in a great neighborhood in a bustling city, in addition to a well drawn-out plan for the rest of my life; please ask me about all of these things and I will elaborate at length
By Alex “It’s Either Write This or Hit a Jumper Over Bryon Russell” Gelman
Boy howdy, seems like graduation is right around the corner, and aren’t I more excited than a necrobestialitist at the Kentucky Derby! While most of my cantankerous classmates in oh-eight are spending their last few weeks at Wesleyan worrying about their ambiguous futures and crying because it’s the last time they will ever watch “Top Chef” with their friends in the living room of 17 Fountain on May 7, 2008, at 9:00 Eastern Daylight Time, I’m living a carefree life.

Ampersand   May 6, 2008
Editor's note: Ampersad
Well, folks, here we are. It’s been over three years since my byline first graced the print of this glorious page, as I regaled you with tales of my roomate and his abusive genitals.

Ampersand   May 6, 2008
An open letter from Brian's mom
Dear Brian,

I have diligently been reading your page over the past school year and I must say that you are the most offensive, untalented, and hackneyed writer I have had the misfortune of knowing. Your stories are deplorable, your grammar is disappointing, and your jokes, and I am humoring you when I call them that, are as funny as watching someone get anally pounded with a dildo for heroin. What are you trying to write? Are you trying to get a job as a staff writer for Zoey 101?

Ampersand   May 6, 2008
Making the Grade: Ampersand Report Card
Spring is here and finals are just upon us. Time to evaluate this past semester in all its glory, from the good, to the bad, to the acceptable.

Ampersand   May 6, 2008
Wu-sleyan: Protect your neck kid, Wu-Tang killer bees are on the swarm, and they’re deans!
By Brendan “Brendy-Brends” Larkin
Celebrity has always had a place in powerful administrations. Allow me to remind you of President Ronald Reagan, Senator Bill Bradley, and County Dogcatcher Scott Baio. But why must celebrities be limited to politics when there is an entire world of higher education? Thus, I propose that Wesleyan University hires the Wu-tang Clan as deans of this fine institution. The benefits would be manifold: